My Wound is My Superpower
June 12 marks twenty one years since my car accident. As the days draw closer to the anniversary of this heart wrenching memory I become more and more saddened. Like a old wound cracking itself open. The days grow thicker with grief, my inner world closes in a little bit, and my tender heart is shaken with bitter sweet memories. Why is it after such an incredible day with an extraordinary person the evening ends with us smashed into a tree on the other side of Highway 98? No alcohol, no drugs, no skid marks, no sign of distress, nothing, and he dies at eighteen years old.
This afternoon, I’m washing my almost five year old son’s hands from lunch, wash his sweet little face and think to myself, how lucky am I….? I’m almost forty and here I am, happy, healthy, in love with life, family, my job. I get to live another day. Thank you, God. My wound gives me a superpower. It helps me live and love stronger, harder, sweeter, gentler, fiercer than ever before, especially now being a mom of two boys.
I also think about how I’ll never have closure. Being thrown from the passenger door window, airlifted to the emergency room for head and eye trauma, my brain blocked out all memory of this tragic event. There is a void in my memory and in my heart. So much tragedy happened, yet I cannot account for the time lost. With the grace of intensive care, love and support of friends and family, I walked away from this two weeks later.
As I look back at my life, where I’ve been, what I’ve done with it, I can say that I have used this tragedy to my advantage. I use it as a superpower everyday whether it be through making an affirmation, practicing yoga, leading a workshop or teacher training, kissing my wife, petting my kitty, hiking a mountain, writing a blog, sharing my life on Instagram, donating to the Placer SPCA. I am alive. I am awake. And I am aware of the gift I receive each day. Are you? Even after twenty one years, the heart ache is still healing, but it is also a map and a reminder to live my best life and to make every second count.
How long am I meant to live? Who knows, but I intend to create the best life that I can while I’m still here. My experience is my superpower. What’s your superpower?
Thanks for reading. Have a most fulfilling day and remember to make every moment count. Because it does. Use it your life well, my friends. Use it well.
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To your greatness!
No matter what darkness we’ve endured, there is a light within us that can never be extinguished.